In this issue
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
You deserve all of the love that your heart can hold. Don't let ANYONE make you feel like they 're doing you a "favor" by being with you. You deserve to be treated like a Queen/King and you should demand it of yourself. YOU are the prize; don't compromise! Dr. Sharon
ROMANCE: Men vs. Women
Men and women view romance differently. The most unromantic gift I ever received for Valentine's day was money. The seat in my car was broken, I was in medical school as was my future husband. He'd tried to fix it when he visited but it was hopeless.
I was anxiously awaiting my gift on our first Valentine's Day. I'd picked out the perfect cards, bought a stuffed animal and a dress shirt for my man. We were in different states (long distance does work) and I tore open the package when the mailman dropped it off. I received cards and cash with a note to fix the car seat. I was LIVID! I immediately went and bought some shoes or something and didn't speak to him for days. I was so embarrassed when my friends asked me about my Vday. I finally talked to him or rather screamed at him. He's a quiet kind of guy and was baffled by my response. He said; "I didn't want my girlfriend riding in a car with a broken seat, you could get hurt."
To this day he still defends his gift and feels that romance must equal practicality and that he looked beyond the hype of the day to my need. Well, he got some grace after the explanation and sending flowers. However we have a rule; I get no gifts at any holiday for the kitchen or house, the car, the anything but for me ! If it is a house gift it says "house" on the box; not my name! He's come a long way since that first Valentine's Day and so have I. We are different and really that's a good thing!
Sad and Single
We think that the grass is always greener on the other side. Well, I disagree; I believe that you water the grass that you're standing on and make it beautiful. If you're single and desire a partner it can be hard but you must not neglect yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, be involved in organizations and activities, focus on your career, and do the things that YOU enjoy! You don't have to have a partner to go to your favorite restaurant, a movie, the theatre or other activities. If you sit around and feel sad about being alone then you'll always be alone. Also, throw out the idea that EVERYONE has to be married or with a significant other. Marriage is not the answer for everyone; ask people who are married and miserable!
A partner does not COMPLETE you; they ENHANCE you! On this Valentine's Day make sure that you buy yourself some chocolate or a "trinket"; take time to do something for someone else like your mother/father, sibling or best friend. REFUSE to wallow in self pity and think about what you don't have versus all that God has blessed you with!
Phillipians 4: 12 (NIV): I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Miserable and Married
We've been told a LIE all of our lives and I want to end it. We meet the man/woman of our dreams; we laugh, talk and feel the butterflies; someone proposes and we have the wedding of our dreams and get carried across the threshold. The sex is terrific, there're no arguments, we buy the house with the white picket fence and life is lovely filled with roses for her and no nagging for him. Marriage is GRAND!
WAKE UP! Let the games begin! Marriage is HARD work and that man or woman is going to get on your LAST NERVE! I don't care how great, beautiful, sensitive or whatever they are! The rule in marriage is that there really are no rules; it is HARD WORK! You'll disagree; you WILL go to bed mad; you will look at the opposite sex; you will get bored (only once in a while--I hope) with sex; he will leave the lid up on the toilet; she will shop too much and blow your budget; the kids that were beautiful at birth will become little monsters and the best birth control method ever.
However, there are bright spots in marriage like the snuggle at the end of the day; they unexpected "I Love You" when things are going wrong; the comfort in knowing that you have a partner that stands with you. When you decided to get married it was a CHOICE; you said yes or no. We must now look at staying married as a CHOICE. I feel that it has become the norm to just throw in the towel and walk away.
What happened to date nights? What about cards and romantic gestures at different times not associated with holidays? What about talking and holding hands? What about making sure that each of you have enough space to grow and that you have your OWN life? What about sending those "bad kids" to grandmas for the night? What about committing to a kiss for at least 60 seconds each morning and evening? What about investing in counseling sessions? If you are miserable in your marriage; first look within and examine yourself and how you are contributing to this misery.
Recommended Readings: A few years ago I picked up "The Power of the Praying Wife" by Stormie Martin. I read the first two chapters and literally put it down and went back to the bookstore and bought "The Power of the Praying Husband" for my husband. There was no way that I was reading this book about all that I was supposed to be doing and he not do anything. Well, he ended up finishing his book long before me; it was a hard read for me because it forced me to examine ME.
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February 13, 2008
Special Valentine's Day Edition
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone, this is a special edition that is short and spicy! Year's ago when I was single and coming off of a bad breakup with a boyfriend, I was feeling pretty bad about Valentine's Day. I was in medical school and talked to the first man that I ever loved, my Daddy, on February 12th. He asked me about my plans for Vday and I told him that I was going to stay home and study. I joked that "Nobody loves me but you" and thats probably how it's gonna be forever.
Well, my Daddy is the absolute BEST! He sent me several cards and a teddy bear pin with a heart on it along with another gift for Valentine's Day. He called me and told me that while God, he and Mom loved me; it was so very important that I loved me. Daddy went on to assure me that whether I stayed single or got married that my happiness could not be found in another person.
I put his words in my heart and they continue to grow. I've been married for several years now but I still do believe that you must love God first and have a real love for yourself. I know that you must love and respect yourself before you can ever truly find the love that you desire and DESERVE!
Forward this newsletter to your friends and family (auto forward at the bottom) and remind them that "Love never fails!" See ya next month!
Dr. Sharon's Top 10 Countdown of What Love is NOT!
10. Love is not DESPARATION and accepting anybody so that you will have somebody.
9. Love is not SETTLING for a piece of a man/woman when you desire a fulfilling relationship.
8. Love is not ONE person doing all the work and the other reaping all the benefits.
7. Love is not BLIND; it sees the lies, the deceptions and the "game".
6. Love is not DEAF; it hears when someone says that they don't love or want you with their mouths or actions.
5. Love is not ENOUGH; you must have respect, commitment and desire.
4. Love is not WORSHIP of the other person. It is mutual admiration, respect and understanding that you're in this together and that you're both human.
3. Love is not OVERWHELMING; you don't lose yourself in love. Love enhances you; it does not make you.
2. Love is not an ORGASM (although it helps). Sex is an important part of a relationship but is not THE relationship.
1. Love does not HURT. There is no punch, kick, slap, physical, mental or verbal abuse that is born out of love.
Bonus: Love does not STALK! Let them go; it ain't cute!
Better Lovin' through VIAGRA, LEVITRA and CIALIS ?
Can you really become superman in bed by popping the blue pill or one of its "cousins"? I would dare say that before Viagra, most people did not know the meaning of Erectile Dysfunction (ED). There are currently three medication options for men with ED. Here is the quick version of the drugs:
Viagra: Out since March 1998
* Works for up to 5 hours
* Recommended that you take 60 minutes before sex
* Most common side effects: Headache, facial flushing, altered or blueish vision
Cialis: Out since February 2003
* Works for up to 36 hours
* Recommended that you take 30 minutes to 12 hours before sex.
* Most common side effects: Headache, dyspepsia/upset stomach, back pain
Levitra: Out since April 2003
* Works for up to 6 hours
* Recommended time that you take 25 to 45 minutes before sex
* Most common side effects: Headache and facial flushing
There are many "quirks" with these drugs which require you to fully discuss them with your physician. DO NOT ORDER OFF LINE or buy from the pharmacist on the street corner! You need to have a physical exam, a discussion with your healthcare provider and be monitored. These drugs haven't been fully tested in WOMEN so don't experiment!
There are so many MYTHS out there about ED drugs.
1. They do not make you a better lover! If you are self centered, non affectionate or have premature ejaculation issues; these medications will not help you in these areas.
2. They should not be prescribed for the man that has no problem obtaining an erection. They work great for men with difficulty in achieving and maintaining an erection due to a number of reasons like diabetes, high blood pressure, and other physical conditions. The healthy 30 year old with no problems getting a firm erection should NOT take these medications.
3. They do NOT make you larger; enough said.
You should have a discussion with your physician about your sex life. Be open and honest and tell him/her if you're having problems. Do NOT go to a doctor in search of these medications and fail to give your full medical history. There have been cases wherein a physician has refused to prescribe the medications because of health conditions and the man "shopped" for another doctor. While I believe in a great orgasm; is it worth your life? Everyone can't take these medications and there are drug reactions, interactions and side effects that can occur. Additionally, there are other options for men with ED but you must see a specialist.
Sex Tips from Dr. Sharon for Guys and Girls
Let's start with the Guys!
1. SLOW down; this isn't a race. Take your time and savor the moment. You have to REALLY work on this; say to yourself--"SLOWWW DOWNNN" try deep breathing or whatever it takes.
2. Take a SHOWER and BRUSH YOUR TEETH; while sex can be wild and fun--no one wants a smelly beast with bad breath.
3. Remember that you do have a PARTNER and that it isn't only about your pleasure. Look at your partner and for goodness sake don't ask her to "say my name", don't you know your name? Special tip: The more you "give" the more you shall "receive"!
4. Condoms are your friend, especially if you aren't in a monogamous relationship or you BOTH haven't been tested for HIV/AIDS and other STDS. The other benefit of condoms; they may "prolong" your erection.
5. Every man has been a little "quick" on the trigger at some time. Its normal so don't beat yourself up. However, don't act like it didn't happen; you both know that it was just 8 seconds and even if she screamed with you-- it wasn't because it was the most pleasurable 8 seconds of her life. She was just being...hmmmm merciful. There are techniques and tools to address premature ejaculation, ignoring the problem isn't one of them.
Golden Rule for Men: If you have to ASK; she DIDN'T.
A special word to the brothers: If you're looking for your sexual conquests to make you feel like a man then I hate to tell you that you're still but a child. Women will eventually see through the game and you may end up a lonely old man that's still a boy because you never grew up. Sex is exciting, fun, fulfilling and a pleasure that you are meant to enjoy. However, sex for the sake of your ego is empty, immature and dangerous.
Now the Girls !
1. Don't ask "Does this make me look fat?" He really doesn't care and is ready to see you naked. If you're thinking about how you look in bed then you can't be free to enjoy sex.
2. Condoms are NOT an option if you aren't in a monogamous relationship or have doubts. If you're comfortable enough to have sex with him then you should be comfortable enough to buy a condom and tell him to use it.
3. Take a BATH and BRUSH your teeth. (same as the guys)
4. Take a NAP; you need a some rest so that you can engage in sexual activity. Don't lay there like a dead fish, not sexy and not fun.
5. Cut the PRODUCTION; sometimes a "quickie" is fun, exciting and better yet-- lets you get some more sleep. You don't need the candles, music, grapes, whipped cream, lingerie, love yous and all that all the time! Give me a break and give the brother a break!
GOLDEN RULE FOR WOMEN: Don't FAKE it! You are lying to him and yourself--he'll roll over and think that he is Casonova and NEVER try to do better. At the same time; don't belittle or demean him-- teach him.
A special word for the sisters 'cause I love ya! There is this attitude of "giving him a piece"; yes I said it. This is really insane-- only prostitutes have sex for money, clothes or things. Sex is an expression of mutual animal attraction, lust, biology and hopeful love; it is not a bargaining chip. To withold sex from your mate to try to "keep him in check" is the quickest way to invite resentment, hostility and yes another woman (or man). Further, it kills your own libido. Sex is a gift from God that is supposed to be fun and fulfilling; not a weapon or monetary exchange. I'm just saying.......
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